Writing is my passion and Art is an obsession. And who claims you can't find Sitiawan on a map needs new glasses. Now, who says small town life is boring and uneventful, huh? :D
What would you do if someone you knew told you that he/she had a crush on you? A crush that's been going on for a while? Would you believe him/her? Or think that maybe he/she's playing a joke or just trying to cheer you up?
What if you just know that person marginally? As in, met-sometime-ago-then-he/she-went-off-for-further-studies-so-we-didn't-really-keep-in-touch marginally? Would you believe his/her confession then?
Last night, this guy I know from a few years ago PM-ed me. We'd gotten acquainted at a camp where he got my MSN and handphone number (Used my handphone to miss call his own and started SMS-ing me, leaving me wondering and wondering as to who on earth the number belonged to). He's the sweet and kind type, and he helped me a lot while we were at the camp. When he left for his studies in another state, he told me to take care of myself. We kept in touch, once in a blue moon.
Yesterday, I switched on my MSN Mobile (My latest app addition to my phone!) around midnight and received a PM from him. We chatted about all sorts of cr*p and sh*ts - typical me. When he asked after my BF, I told him that we'd broken up like, so long ago. After a while, out of the blue, he asked me, "Hw u noe i dont hav a crush on you?" When I sarcastically replied, "Ya rite! XD", he continued, "So long edi neh... :P"
Now, let me make a few things clear. Firstly, he sounded like he was joking. Secondly, we were previously talking about all sorts of nonsense. And thirdly, he was very insistent in pressing that particular point.
He ended by telling me to take care, rest well and study hard. Then I went to sleep...
I am seriously baffled. The more I think of it, the more convinced I am that he can't be serious. How can it be possible to like/crush on someone for that long??
I must've missed something when the earth turned yet another revolution. Or was I fast asleep?
Since when did the word 'bitch' go from being a derogatory term to a word someone can be proud to call themselves?
Yeap. Introducing... Singapore's one and only Fauzi Rassull, the self-proclaimed male bitch of his country.
Not only is he giving himself a tag that even I would be pissed off at being called, but he also manages to look true to the effeminate adjective. Do I hear a catcall? Ooh la la~
Oh yes, and of course, the all-famous brunette-Asian-turned-blonde-angmoh definitely deserves a mention:
It's our very own Lady Xiaxue! Now, while I admire her blogging skills and her rise to fame, I still can't get why she went and bleached her roots. Not to mention filming the latest Guide To Life video on Kissing A Girl in which she snogged her best girlfriend (And managed to look pretty turned on while doing it!).
My point is, there's very little people won't do just to get their 5 minutes (Or lifetime - depends) of fame. Anything is possible nowadays and everyone is desperate to get a taste of the high life.
See this pretty gal? She's Wendy Cheng. A.K.A. Singapore's very own Paris Hilton, Xiaxue. This was before she bleached her hair blonde and began to look like this:
*Sigh* If I could just give her a good shake...
Girl! You were gorgeous to begin with. Ab-so-lute-ly! D'you even know how many people would kill to look like you? Yet you're unsatisfied and just had to change the colour of your hair. Not only does it make you look pale and very unnatural, it also makes you look a little plumper than you really are!
Seriously~
Now, life is no longer about who you really are, deep down inside; but how good your mask looks like on the outside.
The world is really changing. But is all the change good? If people are willing to do anything, what's stopping them from doing everything?
P.S. I don't hate Fauzi or Xiaxue. In fact, I actually enjoy reading Xiaxue's blog sometimes. I have nothing against these people. But, seriously. Sometimes it is possible to go too far.
I've just come back from Junior Camp 2009. Spent 2 days at CHMC taking care of small kids, running around with a first aid box treating minor cuts and bruises, and staying awake one whole night because it was so darn cold.
Well, this year's wasn't as fun as last year's (Even though last year I didn't stay overnight...) but still, OK la.
The problem with camps is that it's always so stressful organising it and when I get home, I always feel hot, bothered and on the verge of a fever/flu.
Worst case scenario - I'd get sick during the camp.
But frankly, even then I'd still carry on doing whatever needs to be done until I can get home and lie in bed. Call me a toughie but it's all still enjoyable.
Anyways. now that I'm home, life (And tuitions!) will carry on as usual. *Sigh*
Exams are coming soon... Noooo~! Need... To... Start... Studying...
I spent the whole afternoon (And most of the evening) yesterday making a music video with my SDO-X character's dance moves. -[DeViL]-x|aor|n (My Super Dancer Online Extreme Malaysia character) danced to Miley Cyrus's Hoedown Throwdown. It was only a 1-minute-plus MV, but it seriously took me forever to make! I tried to find steps which were more or less like Miley's original dance moves, which was killer. But, I succeeded (Sorta) in the end. Ahh... The sweet taste of a job finally finished.
Although, it is kinda laggy... And jumpy... But heck, time to go rest my sore, aching fingers and wrist from all that mouse-dragging!
It's raining. It's dark. It's Thursday. But. The most important thing is... The 10-day Raya holidays have started! Woots~ It's not like I celebrate Raya or anything, but just imagining 10 days of break from school is enough to make me grin stupidly.
After the school break, I'll be having my year-end examinations. I just know I'm gonna do badly. Kinda indifferent to it now.
Come what may!
P.S. Author is feeling high due to looming holidays. Do forgive her momentary insanity. Will be back to normal (And start experiencing pre-exam hysteria) as soon as humanly possible. Might take a while, though.
–verb (used with object) 1. to make sad or gloomy; lower in spirits; deject; dispirit. 2. to lower in force, vigor, activity, etc.; weaken; make dull. 3. to lower in amount or value. 4. to put into a lower position: to depress the muzzle of a gun. 5. to press down. 6. Music. to lower in pitch.
Related forms: de⋅press⋅i⋅ble, adjective de⋅press⋅i⋅bil⋅i⋅ty, noun
I'm currently reading a book called Handle With Care by Jodi Picoult. (Spoiler alert!) It's about the life of a girl who has the untreatable genetic disability osteogenesis imperfecta - better known as brittle bone disease. Willow has suffered through the first six years of her life and - unable to support her mounting stack of treatment bills - her mother sues the obstetrician for medical malpractice, hoping to get the money she needs for Willow.
Willow has a half-sister, Amelia. She's a normal child who doesn't have any of the complications Willow suffers. But because of her sister's condition and the constant attention it requires, Amelia is pushed into the background by her own family. With feelings of being ignored and uncared for, Amelia starts to develop anorexia and learns to cut herself. With her mother busy fighting the lawsuit and her father in the middle of a divorce, Amelia's habits go by unnoticed.
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I haven't finished the book yet, so I don't know what happened to Willow or Amelia in the end. However, reading about Amelia made me think about depression.
I've had many friends tell me they were feeling down or depressed on some days. I've had many times when I myself have felt depressed, too. On these days, I'd prefer to be alone to wallow in my thoughts. I'd sleep a lot, even in school during lessons. I wouldn't feel like going about and doing anything, because I'd have the sensation of being energy-deprived. In short, it's an awful and unhealthy feeling.
Depression can be caused by a million reasons. Upcoming tests, the ending of a relationship, even a hurtful comment from someone you thought was your friend. There are so many 'Why's to depression. Also, there are many 'How's. How do different people get rid of their morbid emotions? Cutting and starving, like Amelia? Crying? Isolating oneself? Or would some find a way to release it all? Sports, maybe, or reading. Online gaming even.
When someone tells me they're feeling depressed, I do try my best to help them and listen to them. Because that's the best thing to do - shut up and listen. Let whoever it is get a chance to speak up and voice out all of their bottled up feelings. Even though I mayn't have a solution to their problems, but if I just listen, I do believe that I'm somehow helping them in my own little way. If someone'd listen to my rants and tears and complaints during my 'emo' times, I'd just feel better. Maybe not great, but marginally I'd have a little bit of relief.
I'm not really sure what I'm going on and on about, but through all this, I've been thinking of a friend of mine. She told me, some time ago, that she had lost the will to live. Personal problems and family troubles had made her unwilling to wake up each day and carry on with life. Although I don't really believe that she would be the type to take extreme measures like suicide, I still worry about her. I've tried to be there for her, these few days. I've been spending time with her and helped her with some stuff. I really hope she'll be able to pull out of this okay.
Girl, you have a whole life ahead of you. At your tender age, depression isn't something you should be dealing with. In fact, it's something none of us should have to face. But with the direction the world is going nowadays, is it a wonder that we're hearing more stories of nervous breakdowns and teenage suicides? The problem may have originated from ourselves, or it may have not. Desperate actions are taken when one is pushed to the utmost and beyond. Even rubber bands snap if they're pulled too hard. But rubber bands have to be pulled by a set of hands to even start stretching. Families, parents, environments, societies. They all contribute towards giving that push to send someone falling over the cliff. It is not something anyone can do anything about. It's spontaneous. It's an unconscious event. Even if nobody means for it to happen, it can still happen any time.
Depression is one of the worst emotions that one can feel. It is disgusting; self-esteem-lowering; painful. It is self-destructive.
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My darling girl, I know you'll be okay. I'll be right here to make sure you are, even if it kills me. (Pun not intended)
My latest literary work: 110909 (Click this link. Then click on paper-like icon to download and read) Enjoy!
P.S. I'd like to see how many people are willing to support my idea of starting a blog which will have an ongoing story which readers can contribute to. It's going to be open; anyone can submit your pieces of writing by sending it to me by e-mail. As long as the story doesn't end, you can pretty much weave the storyline any way you want. Oh, no sensitive issues like politics and etc., of course. The contributions will be sifted through by me and those with an interesting continuation to the story and a sufficient word count (Say... 500 and above?) will be chosen. I will, of course, reserve the right to edit any of your submissions for grammar errors/typos/information errors and such, and also to make sure the story flows smoothly. But I will try to retain as much of the original text and idea as possible. Do any of you think this is a good idea? It will definitely be a good way of filling your time and showcasing your talents as a budding writer/novelist. Please do reply and give me some of your views!
Either I'm not getting anymore visitors to my blog, or nobody bothers to comment on my non-political posts. Oh well. Maybe I should use nuffnang, like Shuu says. Hmm.
Anyways, I'm not really in the mood to blog 'bout much. These few days have been hell for me. 090909 is supposed to be a good day, but for me it was a day for quite a bad case of the "emo"s. Stuff happens. You take it in stride. Wish I've someone's shoulder to cry on, though. ><
Oh, yes. I've just got a crazy idea that, when I think deeply about, doesn't seem really that crazy after all. I was thinking of setting up a blog where I would post up the beginning of a (Fictional) story, and anyone can just add on to it. Readers will be asked to send their story-continuations to me via e-mail, and I'd sift through to find the best chapter to fit in. The rules will be simple: make it English, make it good and of a reasonable length, and make sure the story doesn't end.
Well, I thought it was a pretty cool idea, anyway. Got comments/suggestions/wanna-throw-a-rotten-tomato-at-my-sh*tty-idea?
I sometimes wonder how would it be like to come from a well-off family. Live in a big house, have the latest stuff and can even afford the occasional Nike shoes or Body Glove shirts. Own a PS and be able to play DDR everyday to work out. Don't need to wonder about where I'm gonna go and what I'm gonna do after Form 5, 'coz it'll all be planned out already...
Don't get me wrong, I'm not poor and my family's quite okay, but this is just something I think about once in a while...
I know what I wanna be in the future. I have dreams and an ambition. I just dunno which path I'll be taking to get to it, after Form 5. Will I be taking Form 6? Or can my parents afford to send me to college? I don't like the prospect of going for Form 6. It's real hard work and after that, it might be a bit more difficult to enter university. As I'm not the type who enjoys studying or mugging hard, I'm afraid it'll be very tough for me to focus if I go for Form 6. Even my teacher (Who, by the way, knows me surprisingly well) isn't keen on the idea of my taking Form 6. She's discouraging me to go and suggests that I take college instead.
But the question is, will my family be able to afford it? If I go for college and take up a graphics course, will my parents be able to support me while I study full-time? I certainly favour this option more than taking up Form 6; I'm rather bored of studying everything in general. The sooner I can focus on the subject and area of my preference, the sooner I can come out and earn my living. The sooner I finish my studies, the sooner I'll be working to achieve my dreams. Form 6 will put in some extra years into my higher education - something I want to avoid.
College will definitely be quite a strain on my family's pockets, but I suppose if I really wanted it, my parents would be able to find a way to support me until I complete everything. However, nothing's really decided yet so far.
Oh well, I've got a year to go before leaving school. That's a year to collect information, tabulate budgets and finalise a decision. A year to go around and ask for opinions and stuff.
Well, if my family were rich, I wouldn't even have to consider Form 6, now would I? Haha~
But my conditions now are quite okay, so there's not much to worry about until next year... ^^
It's 1.00am and I really should be sleeping. It's raining - a nice, cooling weather. However, I just had to check on my Steps downloading, so here I am in front of the laptop screen, yet again. (So far it's downloaded 29%... 10 hours to go)
It's quiet 'coz everyone's asleep. The pitter-patter of the rain is muffling all the usual night-time sounds - even the clacking of my keyboard sounds muted. I wish I could just run out into the rain and stand out there, getting soaked through. Enjoying the wetness and the cold droplets cascading down around me...
I chatted with Jazc and Markie just now. Jazc; about BB nowadays and some personal thoughts... It'll be kinda difficult for me to be promoted any further, I guess. Because of so many things that's happened... I've already lost my passion. The fire I used to have - that warm, pure burning - has slowly become a dim glow. The eagerness and excitement has turned into reluctance and, sometimes, boredom. Today I told Jazc - I must've lost the fire long ago, but I've only come to realise it lately. Ever since I ended my relationship with a certain someone, nothing much in BB matters anymore. Involving myself in everything brings back all sorts of memories and dreams of what could be. I've become so used to being in a relationship and having someone to share everything with, that I cannot stand being alone. I just cannot get used to it. Sometimes I slip in and out of depression when I can't talk to anyone about stuff that bothers me. I simply don't have anyone I feel 100% comfortable with - enough to be my confidante. I can't laden anyone with my personal burdens, either. I've withdrawn within myself; my time is spent sleeping to escape the world. In school, I read novels and have hundreds of ways to skip classes. Studies are not important to me anymore - they mean nothing.
I don't miss him. I cannot let myself miss someone who has caused me so much hurt and troubles in the past. Even though I hope we can still remain friends, it really is an uphill battle. No, I just miss the feeling of being loved. Of knowing someone is always there for me, no matter what. Someone who'll care about every minute detail of my life, right down to worrying whether I'm eating or not (A bad habit I've acquired). Someone who'll always be by my side to comfort me when I'm facing storms and to cheer me on through obstacles. Someone who'll laugh with me, cry with me and know me more than I know myself.
First love is always the sweetest, but when it ends, it is also one of the most bitter.
Nobody knows how I really am, inside. The turmoil and mess. The hopes and dreams. The true me?
Markie said that I need a close friend, to trust and to cherish. But I don't know of a person who can be as such to me. He also said that I should slow down, take a break from everything and relax. But how can I?
I just... Don't know how to carry on walking at this crossroad, because I'm weary and tired and just wish to stop and have a rest.
Merdeka is over... Holidays are over... 24/7 gaming spree is over... Oh, well, back to normal life!
Nothing politic-ky to blog about anymore, so this is just a regular update.
Erm... BB meetings and activities have been canceled for a month, so every Saturday no need to go to CHMC early in the morning. But then... Tomorrow got ENTS meeting at 8.30am, so it's almost like normal meeting... (=.=)||| And need fetch |oupo go.
Oh ya, I finally passed my P-license and received the stupid piece of laminated paper on Thursday. Woots~! 100% honest, no kopi kopi... XD
