back from church camp...

this awesomeness is by [rin] , Monday, April 20, 2009 8:22 PM

And I've just one word for it:
Spent, like, the whole Saturday morning at school, then went straight from there to Cameron.
Totally can't sleep in the car.
Stupid, winding roads.

Well, actually, going all the way up there kinda felt like spending RM200+ to go eat and sleep and get up and eat again.

I know, *ish-nyer this girl* right?
But, fact is, I can't really pay attention to any of the sermons.
Kept falling asleep for one, and for another, kept having all these sms arguments with him.
Some things I remember, though.
Like the last two sessions.
The speaker had prayer/anointing and prophesying.
The screams and wailings still haunt me.
It was really... Scary.
But I was kinda unaffected by all of it.
Like I'm in my own little bubble or something.
Does that make me dysfunctional or undergoing spiritual denial?

And the fact that every time some pastor or evangelist prays for me, they've nothing much to say.
Here I am, hoping for some sign from above telling me something and nothing ever happens.
Hello, God?
I'm a faltering believer, here?
Ain't You gonna do anything about it?
Okay, yeah, sounds like I'm talking super lightly 'bout this, but it's really something that bothers me.
Umm... I know I've got the gift of tongues, but it's been two years since I last... Well... You know... Used it.
And, yes, I've had a lot of people telling me I can have great faith if I want to, but how can I want to do it if I don't even believe in it?

Don't know what I'm rambling about.
I'm home now.
(Duh, obviously!)
School starts tomorrow with assembly...
Where I'll finally get my trophies.
Debate team won Districts.
On to State... Sometime in June.

My aim for the rest of today:
No idea.
Might start reconciliation.
With him.

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