losing heart... becoming stone...

this awesomeness is by [rin] , Tuesday, June 16, 2009 11:10 PM

Nowadays I'm always tired.
I've no idea why, but no matter how much sleep I get, my body still aches and my eyes are constantly heavy.
And it's not just physical; I'm feeling emotionally and spiritually drained too.

I didn't have much of a semester break/holiday.
Spent almost the whole two weeks busy with BB stuff.
BNTS... NCO Council meeting... Tying lanyards with the new NCOs... Target Camp...
That's how my past 14+ days have been like.
I have to say that I'm getting really tired and a little sick of BB already.

Surprised that I, of all people, would say such a thing?
Well, it's true, really.
I've had so much to do, as well as a few personal problems to deal with.
And now, I'm rushing to complete the planning for this Saturday's meeting, because I haven't had the time to do it during the holidays.
My bad, I know.
Poor Daniel.
I promise I'll get the bulk of it done for you, your job'll be easy...

"no matter how much sleep i have... i'm still so tired... not only physically... but i'm emotionally and spiritually drained too... i didn't have a 'holiday'... so busy with bb... i'm actually no mood with bb anymore..."
It's my Friendster shoutout right now...
And, yeah, truly, I'm slowly losing my passion for BB already.
Which is really sad, I guess...?

I haven't found a way to solve my own problems, yet.
My personal ones, I mean.
I don't know how to go about fixing my life; I don't even know where to start!
I wish I could just shut up and fade away...
But, unfortunately, it's not gonna happen.
So I go about my life, worse than ever, giving everyone living hell.

Anyway, state level debate is coming up soon.
Mr. K hasn't confirmed the date, but it's definitely gonna be somewhere at the beginning of July.
Which is another problem.
See, I've promised someone that I'd go to Ipoh on the 5th of July for the BB Carnival.
I'm afraid that debate might clash with that plan.
If that happens, there'll be no doubt that I'll have to go for the debate; and break my promise to that person.
Not someone particularly special, mind you, but I don't want to break any more promises than I can help.
But, Mr. K wants to see the team tomorrow, so hopefully he'll give me some good news.
God knows, I need some.

This world is a huge place.
So I guess I'm not the only one who's having these sort of problems.
But really?
I'm not in the mood to care 'bout other people who don't care 'bout me.
Call me selfish, call me an asshole.
I.D.C. anymore.

Kiaos' motor is sitting in my driveway now.
It's shiny.
It's black.
It's tempting.
And, most importantly, it's brand new.
Too bad, he didn't leave his keys here, too.

I'm still waiting for my motor.
Might have to wait for a long while more.
It isn't fair.

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