november 2009...

this awesomeness is by [rin] , Friday, November 13, 2009 6:41 PM

it's been a stressful time.
so many things to do; so many things that require my attention.
i've been so freaked out - so much pressure.
just trying to finish what i've started;
just trying to make amends for what i've done;
just trying to get through this time.

i know i've been a downright ass.
i know i've shouted and scorned.
i know i've hurt all of you;
everyone on my left and right.

i'm sorry i don't have enough self control;
i'm sorry you all have to face me everyday.
although so many of you have been by my side
through thick, thin and in between,
i still lash out at the people closest to me.

i hate myself for it.
just the same as i hate myself for many things.
when i'm depressed, nothing in the world matters
but lil' selfish old me.

someone once quoted:
"if you can't love yourself, how can anyone love you?"
how, indeed?

"sorry" is just not enough.
not enough to make up for all the damage i've done.
not enough to explain the consequences i've caused.
not enough for the people who're closest to my heart;
people who are, perhaps, far closer than those of my own blood.

for these are the people who are always around:
they guide,
they support.
they laugh,
they cry.
they advise,
they scold.
they're a part of my life.

can someone just come around and give me what i deserve?
a cold, hard slap for instance?
make me see what it's like - what it's really like.

and yet, however much i say,
there are so many thoughts that i cannot put into words.
no sentence is sufficient to describe the regret i feel.
while the only thing i can say is sorry;
and please don't think too badly of me.

just wish i'm the type to keep a straight head under pressure.

Never underestimate the pain of a person because the truth is everyone is struggling. It's just some people hide it better than others.

Just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry. And just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong.

Behind this innocent smile of mine, lay words that go unsaid. Words of longing, love, anger, and hate, all repeating inside my head.

Do you ever just get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody. You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy but at the same time you don't know exactly what is wrong either?

Sorry I'm so emo!

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