i need to talk to someone...

this awesomeness is by [rin] , Sunday, May 3, 2009 1:59 PM

About stuff.
Lots of stuff.

Should I let go?
Or put it on hold?
If we're really meant to be, then the future's already written out for us, right?
If it's God's will for us to be together then we will be, eventually, right?

MYF meeting yesterday (I was late... =P) Aunty Pauline and Aunty Siew Lean talk 'bout BGR (Boy-Girl Relationship) stuff.
Premarital sex, how far a relationship should go, whether or not we should be having relationships at this age in the first place, and all that kind of stuff...
And honestly, I've to say that it really put me into perspective.

I was left thinking deeply 'bout my relationship since then.

And, yeah, I agree that if neither party is mature enough, then it's not gonna be a good relationship 'coz we'll just be feeding off each others' emotions and 'sense' of safety.
If I myself am broken, then of course it makes sense to sort out my own life first before letting anyone else into it.

Ya, I am willing to admit that, when I started this relationship, I didn't really think much about it.
I was immature and not ready for commitment.
All I was doing was looking for fun and a shoulder to cry on as well as an SMS buddy.
Because my relationship with my parents is not strong, or even close, so I looked for a replacement.
Someone to give me a sense of belonging, of being loved and cared for, and who truly understood me.

That was when I jumped aboard the BGR vessel, which seems so long ago now.

I don't know how much has changed.
However, my expectations and the things I want from this relationship have not.
On the contrary, they've deepened for my own selfish reasons.

At the beginning, everything was sweet and rosy, like a dream come true.
Well, that ship has long sailed.
Now I'm left to deal with the 'ocean' with only a life jacket and a limited supply of provisions and sources.

I've realized, the point is that, in a real relationship, each side has to give some and take some.
We can't just give and give and give, or take and take and take.
Both people have to want the best for the other person, and everything each one does is selfless.

And we also have to understand that, no matter how big a part we are of the other person's life, we are still just ONE PART.
Their lives don't just revolve around pleasing us and working on the relationship.
They need to have their own friends, their own personal time, their own privacy.

He needs to have his own friends, his own personal time and his own privacy.

So I don't know if I'm ready to continue on with this.
Or if I can handle it.
I really don't think I'm mature enough, just yet.
But the first thing I'm gonna start doing is changing myself and my own character/attitude.
I wanna change the hot-tempered devil in me (HAHA).
I've enough of acting like someone I'm really not and appear like someone else, someone I don't recognize when I look at myself.
Maybe it's time to take off the mask, put away the script, and live life.
Who knows?
Maybe the play's just started for me.

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