To:
The girl who cuts and puts up those pictures on Facebook;
Who throws the word 'depressed' around like it's any other normal word like 'happy' or 'sad';
And who seems to take it all as a fun, attention-garnering social game.
NEWSFLASH!
Depression is none of the above!
- People who cut do so in private, not all over the internet. They do so not to purposely seek attention, but because they do not get enough attention. They do it for release, not as a publicity stunt.
- Depression is a serious clinical/medical problem. It needs treatment and medication and an overlook by professionals. Depressed people would not have the time or mood to post all sorts of photos of themselves being 'depressed' on the internet. And photos of depressed people would most certainly not be in the same area as photos of themselves DFA-ing on their cameras with their new clothes, new boyfriends, latest holidays and all that shiz.
- Depression is not fun. It is not something you can take so lightly. It does not happen just because a friend dislikes you, or whatever. And it is most definitely a very inappropriate attention-seeking tool.
FOOL.
With a couple of photos of your arms all bloody, full of carved out words on them, all in a file labeled 'Depression' in Facebook.
Except, looking at the rest of your photo files, you're smiling and laughing and posing and kissing and hugging.
FAKER.
Even in the hospital getting treatment, you take photos.
Don't you ever get a life away from your camera?
Depression doesn't just go away.
It's not a switch that can be turned ON and OFF at will.
It doesn't cure itself over the span of a few days and then you're back to publicly snogging your boyfriend like nothing ever happened.
DESPERATE.
No real person with clinical depression would ever think of posting pictures of themselves with their limbs all cut up on Facebook.
They stem the blood with cotton pads;
They wrap the wounds with Band-Aids;
They wear long-sleeved shirts to cover the scars.
They don't show the world they're abnormal, because all they ever want is to lead ordinary lives and fit in with society.
It seems to me that you're just doing all of that for a bit of drama.
So that people can comment on the photos, going, "don't do this, it's not worth it. don't care about the rest of the world and what they think! ♥♥ you, no matter who doesn't!".
So that when people demand to know what happened, you can go, ":( i hurt myself..."
IDIOT.
Stephenie Meyer got something right in her New Moon book: The effects of depression.
She accurately describes the loss of spirit, the mental blankness, the gaping holes.
However, the part where Bella Swan can perform like a normal student/child just a week after the impact is just BULLSHIT.
You wouldn't go back to being a brilliant student.
You wouldn't be able to sail through days with a smile (However forced it may be) on your face.
You wouldn't even be able to think so clearly about what's happening to you and analyze your 'dead'-ness.
Depression is like having something eat at you from inside out.
It isn't something to be taken so lightly of.
It is a serious matter, with seriously dire consequences.
Girl, this isn't a game.
Grow up, please.
Huh.
Guess I must be oozing good luck nowadays, huh?
Or maybe Daddy is giving me some chances to show my talents?
=*
'Coz I received yet another courier package.
This time, from PJ College of Art and Design (PJCAD), for entering their art competition some time ago.
I didn't exactly win win, but got consolation prize.
The package didn't have much useful stuff, mostly they're just novelties like rolled-up leather clock thingy and loads of PJCAD brochures.
Oh, and a HUGE bag.
Like one of those eco-friendly shopping bags, but WAYYYY wider.
Wonder what am I gonna do with it?
And right, and right, one of my blog posts was shortlisted as one contest's Top 10!
*Squeeeeee*
I can't tell you which contest, but look back a couple of posts and you'll see what I mean.
*Wink wink*
If I can win that, it'll be seriously AWESOME!
Hmm, maybe after this I'll enter Nuffnang's LG Cookie Monster Party?
Maybe can win an LG Cookie.
;D
★`·..·´★`·..·´★`·..·´★`·..·´★
Anyway, on a more somber note, today was report card day at school.
*Sigh*
I got to come back from school early, but my results are with Mum.
Wonder what I'll 'receive' from my parents tonight?
><
So, I was away from home for a couple of days.
Went to a "Science Camp" thingy at Seri Iskandar, organized by JPN or something.
Uh...
Let's just say that even my junior NCOs at BB can do a better job at camps.
@___@
Anyway I came home today and there was a surprise waiting for me in my room!
=D
Did I ever mention I love surprises?
^^
Anyways, usually my room is really, really messy.
I mean, seriously messy.
Like, everything's all over the place.
See?
But I definitely know when anything's changed or moved or even when someone's been to sweep the floor.
So, when I came home from the camp today, I found...
Express package delivery!
Normally I get stuff by Pos Laju or Pos Expres, so something coming from City-Link is really unusual.
At first, I thought someone put it on my table then forgot to take it.
Then, I turned it over...
And my eyes almost popped out!
I joined the contest by Galaxie almost a month ago, never expecting to even win anything.
But hey, Grand Prize weh!
:3
So, you wanna know what's inside?
=D
An original Animal by Ke$ha CD from Sony BMG.
A tank top that I can never wear - not while I'm still living under this roof, anyway - because of what it says.
The tagline doesn't make much sense, but it looks okay, overall.
Unfortunately it's got "F***ING" in it, so my parents probably won't be too happy 'bout me wearing it around here.
=P
Jealous much?
Anyway, happy!
Never expected to actually win, because I hardly ever win contests.
But still, free stuff!
LOL.
Ah, feels good to be home.
... If you really need 'em!
No, I'm not talking 'bout wearing those sight-corrective stuff for fun or fashion.
I'm talking about why you should put 'em on if you really need sight correction.
Short sighted? Have astigmatism?
But hate putting on contact lenses or even glasses?
Well, you SHOULD!
Aaaaaand here're the reasons WHY:
- Because messing up signboards would mean wasting a good amount of time - The directions are up there. Turning round and round because you couldn't read the sign clearly would just be sh*tty.
- Because getting whacked in the head with a ball during games hurts - It's even worse if you can't even see what hit you.
- Because you won't have a solid argument with the teacher when she asks why you didn't do the homework assigned - She'd just go, "You know you can't see, wear specs lah!". Use excuses such as "Couldn't hear you, too noisy!" instead.
- Because watching movies in Blur mode ain't fun - All you see is moving colours and shapes. I wouldn't pay RM10 for a cinema ticket to come out not knowing what the heck I just watched.
- Because not being able to identify the person waving at you from across the room is an awful feeling - Wave back, and you'll feel doubtful ("Who the heck is that??"). Don't wave, and people will say you're stuck up. Ish.
I suppose there are many other reasons why people should seriously wear their specs, but I'm lazy to list them out at the moment.
=P
★`·..·´★`·..·´★`·..·´★`·..·´★
And that was my very lame attempt to convince myself that I should wear my specs/contacts.
Epic fail lah.
(=.=)|||
I find it so ma fan to wear them man.
Specs looks F-U-G-L-Y while contacts takes time to put on.
Plus right, my protein build up is like WHOAAA so I've to keep cleaning them with drops.
Funny thing is right, people who need specs don't want them.
But people with perfect vision want to wear glassless glasses (A returning trend) and plano (Zero power) contacts because they "look fashionable".
WTH?
The world ain't fair.
Wait till those people actually need the corrective tools, then they'll see how ma fan is it.
Ish~
Be content and satisfied with what you have, people!
They say that it isn't till you lose something that you'll seriously miss it and learn to appreciate it, but by then it'll be too late liao!
Success can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people.
To a Mom, it could mean watching her child score 10As in SPM.
To a 17-year-old, it could mean passing his P-license tests.
To a businessman, it could mean seeing his company’s franchises pop up all over the country.
To me, success means being able to achieve my dreams and walk through life with my head held high.
See, even though I have been studying in the Science Stream for the past two years, sciences is not where my heart lies.
My vision in life for myself is to become an amazing graphic designer.
It doesn’t matter if my pay is not that high; it doesn’t matter if only a select few know my name; I want to live my life knowing that I have put my talents to great use.
This dream may seem unconventional for a student who scored straight As in her PMR, for someone who can probably be a doctor or engineer if she puts her mind to it.
Why settle for a job that doesn’t guarantee a good pay and a bright future?
Why take up designing at all?
Why?
Well, let me tell you why.
I have loved the arts ever since I was very young.
Dancing, singing, drawing, painting, composing, writing, photography; I have done them all at least once in my 17 years.
And I can honestly say I loved doing them.
I feel the most happy when I am drawing, coloring or even when I am messing around with Photoshop, trying new stuff out.
I feel like I can do anything - create anything that I want - just by moving my hands.
And I can, actually.
By clicking my mouse, or shifting my pencils around, something new comes into being.
I can tell stories with my art; express my feelings and emotions and imagine myself to be anyone I want to be.
Even just working on something artistic gives me the patience and focus training that I need.
Being someone with borderline Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), I'm hardly able to keep still: Art subdues me.
And that gives me the pleasure of freedom, because my art is like wings given to me to soar above any trials, temptations and tribulations.
----------
I once sat down and considered how I would work to achieve this dream of mine.
The first thing I had to do was, of course, to do well in my upcoming SPM examinations.
Then what?
What would I do next?
Where would I go?
After doing some research, I decided to go for a few Open Days held by various colleges and universities.
The road show held by Sunway University College at my hometown was one of the first few information-gathering trips I made.
At the hotel ballroom where the road show was set up, I learned more about Diplomas, Degrees and the path I would have to take to actually become a graphic student.
After that road show, I decided to go for more Open Days and actually visited many campuses around Malaysia.
Many of the people who met me at these events were surprised to know that I was only in Form 5.
Their general response when I told them that I was only taking SPM this year was, “Wah, so early already come for Open Day ah?”
And I would nod, because the fact stands that I cannot wait to begin that new phase of my life.
I want so much to be able to do what my heart desires, but time is passing seemingly so slowly right now.
----------
Once SPM is over, I fully intend to enroll in a college for the first intake with my forecast results.
I’m also aiming for scholarships and monetary help so that my family’s burden wouldn’t be so large.
Even though I’m not the best student there is, I still mean to go all out for my dream.
----------
I’ve often said in the past - to friends - that when I am a successful graphic designer and when I make it in the world, I will come home in my private jet and they can all borrow it for a holiday.
Childish though this statement may be, in it lies my hopes that I will be able to succeed one day.
And when I do, when I return home, it will be something epic.
And it was fun!
Well, maybe not quite as fun as Pesta KK 2008, but this time around I got to know a lot more people.
Hehe~
So, while I wait for my Facebook to finish uploading my Pesta photo album, I shall be blogging 'bout it!
02MJG's Adventures At Pesta Penang 2010
Day One
We gathered at CHMC the night before (10/6) and stayed over that night.
The next morning, we woke up and took a 4am (Or so; the bus was a little late) bus straight to Penang Island.
Dressed in our muftis, we (As usual) cam-whored and crazy-d in the bus all the way.
Reached there just in time for briefing and registration/opening parade.
The first afternoon, we had the National Drill Competition (No pictures, sorry!) and we gathered at the St. Xavier's Institution basketball court to watch the best teams from around Malaysia drill.
It was at the drill competition that I was first introduced to Sam and his friend.
They're from 1st Serdang and were 02MJG guys' roommates.
So, anyway, we got talking for a little while and I discovered that he's actually quite interesting to talk to (Especially after all the rest of them cabut lari back to the dorms to tidur!).
=)
Evening came, and we had our Opening Ceremony at Penang City Stadium.
Rehearsal was very kelam kabut - ISH - and we had to stand there for a couple of hours.
But then the VIP (Minister of Transport - Dato' Sri Ong Tee Keat) came and we could finally start!
It was impressive, seriously, and I felt very proud to stand there and represent Perak state when I looked up at the stands filled with members, officers and visitors.
After that - We could finally fall out after 4 hours! - was the National Band Competition at the same venue.
Quite a few bands took part, but many were from KL.
Guess that's 'cos they have the funds and resources, huh?
When we went back to Convent Light Street (The girls' accommodations) that night, I was feeling really tired, but still happy to just be there.
And I could finally bathe after 24 hours of not touching water that night!
Gosh!
The lines at the bathrooms earlier were like WHOA so I couldn't bathe before changing to my full uniform for the opening.
I know, I know, EEWWWW right?
Day Two
Started that morning with a very interesting exercise...
STREET DANCING!
The Pesta committee invited a dance crew called Danzity to lead us in some 'warm-ups', which were basically some base steps for hip-hop dancing.
A guy - Sean Loh - took over the mike and shouted out instructions to us while demo-ing the steps himself.
I tell you, the guy has got an awesome set of lungs lah!
Anyway, it was something new because we've never danced for morning exercise before.
The verdict?
DAMN ENJOY SIA~!
That afternoon's telematch was canceled because it was raining (Super unpredictable weather - Rain, shine, rain, shine - Annoying!) and then put back on because the rain stopped!
Ish ish ish...
Too bad, by that time I was already back in the dorms and had already planned to catch up on all my lost sleep!
=P
At night, my platoon went to Red Garden to have our dinner.
Not very nice lor, if you're asking my opinion.
Then the National Singing & Dancing Competition at Dewan Sri Pinang!
Fuh~
That one really syok, I tell you.
Especially the dance teams from the various companies' performances were fun to watch.
Screamed ourselves hoarse that night.
=)
Day Three
Halfway through Pesta already!
=(
Being a Sunday, we went back to Dewan Sri Pinang for a Youth Concert/Sunday Service.
Worship and sermon by group from City Harvest Church, Penang (Why is the church so familiar, huh??) and we also got to meet Anthony Chang (Winner of Astro Talent Quest 2006), who performed a few songs for us.
If you weren't jealous before, I bet you are now!
How often do you get to meet a star, huh?
XP
That afternoon we had a Treasure Hunt around the whole Georgetown area, which basically consisted of all of us running around town under the hot, sweltering sun.
Good teamwork-building for all the platoons, though.
Night saw us back at St. Xavier's, having a Fun Fair and B Idol (Like American Idol, geddit?)
All sorts of weird games (Bootlace tying, speed reading) and regular funfair games were organized by the Pesta committee and helpers.
We all played to earn 'coupons' which contributed to our platoons' scores.
Über tired by then, but still managed to earn a few points for my Platoon C!
None of my company members joined the B Idol, but Sam did!
Unfortunately, according to him, he was up there for the grand sum of 'bout 10 seconds before the judges rang the bell for him to come down.
LOL~!
Day Four
Explore Penang!
Woots~!
We were separated into a few groups to tour round Penang Island.
I went with Ronia, Melissa, Pearly, Wei Qian, Juo Keong and Sam.
Our tour group stopped at the church where the very first BB company in Malaysia was started...
Queensbay Mall...
A farm (Where we got to eat durians for free... Hoho!)...
And Balik Pulau.
Evening - Closing Ceremony.
='(
We marched from SXI all the way to the KOMTAR Dome in our full uniforms.
DAMN CUN LO~!
Sure very impressive also, maybe can go into the papers again huh?
*Wink wink*
(An article was published in Star newspapers on the 11th 'bout Pesta already. Read?)
It was a fun night, but also a little sad because we'd be leaving the next day.
The BB delegates from the other countries which joined us - Indonesia, Hong Kong, Thailand, Philippines, Singapore - were in all their different uniforms and some even performed dances for us.
Competition winners were announced (My platoon got 2nd!) and all of us cheered ourselves hoarse (Again) for them.
Justin (From 3rd KL - Knew him from past BB activities) got Best Drum Major weh!
^^
When we went back to our respective dorms and rooms that night, all my girls said wanna tong xiao (All night long) chatting, but all fell asleep at the end anyway.
(=.=)|||
Day Five (a.k.a Today)
Bus was scheduled to bring us back at 9am, so all of us spent the morning taking pictures, exchanging contacts and saying our goodbyes.
Kinda sad we had to leave so early, didn't really have enough time to talk to all the people I got to know during Pesta.
='(
But anyway, all good things come to an end, so we had no choice but to go home.
Reached back in Sitiawan at 'bout 1pm, safe and sound, so thanks be to God for the journey mercies.
=)
Overall, the Pesta was another fantastic memory of my BB life and one which I will treasure for a long time.
Especially since this will be my final year in BB, so... Yeah.
Got to know many awesome people.
Met many old friends.
Tried many fun, new things.
Bought many little souvenir bits for those poor souls who missed Pesta.
XD
Anyways, now it's back to reality for me and all the rest of them.
So... Yeah.
><
P.S.
Updated my PhotoShots!
So.
Finally.
The long-awaited, much-anticipated BB 19th Pesta Penang 2010 is upon us.
This event, organised by The Boys' Brigade in Malaysia every other year is having its 19th run this June 11th - 15th.
It will be attended by BB companies from all over the country, as well as 100-over participants who're coming in from Indonesia, Hong Kong, Thailand, Philippines and Singapore.
That's pretty much half of the Southeast-Asian nations which'll be gathered at Penang for 5 days for this activity.
We have awesome activities lined up for all the participants, and if you're feeling kepo, you can check out our timetable HERE.
So, to sum it all up in a few words:
Sucks To You If You Ain't Going!
XD~
So far I've been to Pesta once in 2008, which was then held at Sabah.That Pesta was only joined by about 10 participants from my BB company, but we seriously had a blast that year.
Flying off to Sabah from KLIA (Yes, we're so totally kampung people!) and being able to join the Pesta Kaamatan festivities over there were all memorable experiences.
Anyway, this will be my second time joining Pesta, and this year, my company is sending 30 participants!
Personally, I prefer small groups (And I miss miss miss my old gang... ><) but since so many people want to go this year, why not?
Lets have this time of fellowship together lor.
=)
So, tonight we'll be gathering at Chin Hock Methodist Church at 10pm, where we'll be staying over until Friday morning.
At 4am, our bus leaves for Penang and we'll be back on the night of the 15th.
Hopefully, everyone will be on their best behaviour over there as we're all representing our company, 2nd Manjung.
Here's some favours you can do for me/us:
Pray for us, for journey mercies and that we'll enjoy ourselves over there.
Pray also for a smooth Pesta and that BB in Malaysia will be one of God's tools to reach out to the young people in this country.
Will update bloggie again once I get home!
Muahs~
So, 02MJG (That's the BB company I join, BTW) had its Target Camp last Saturday - Sunday.
I was one of the helpers and let me tell you, being a Senior is not an easy job!
After joining BB for 4+ years, I'm currently one of the most senior members of the company.
That means being more knowledgeable, more experienced and more ‘pro’ at lansi-ing and 车大炮-ing.
But it also means that I’ve got many members under me who’re looking up at all the Seniors for guidance and leading.
Being a Senior means being a leader who first and foremost leads by example.
Everyone does what you do and (Especially the more ganas Seniors!) look up at you fearfully.
They teach us at leadership training schools all the aspects of leadership and stuff like that.
‘How to become a good leader’ material.
But it isn’t until you can feel and experience it for yourself that you’ll be able to truly understand what leadership means.
After all these years, I have more or less come to terms with being a leader.
Well, I’ve had to, of course.
Being a Corporal isn’t something that promises a smooth, straight road.
A BB NCO - that’s Non-Commissioned Officer (Or Never Complain Officer if you’re trying to be funny) - is a great responsibility.
You’re a level above the members and have to strive hard because everyone observes you.
Officers, outsiders, members; if you wear those stripes, expect to have all eyes on you.
Being a leader means not showing you’re tired even though everyone else is just about done in.
It means you have to think fast and make quick decisions when problems crop up.
It means always showing a brave front and a confident mask, no matter what’s happening.
Not bad training to prepare people for the real world, actually.
Anyway, even though I’m not the world’s best leader (Far from it!), I think I’ve really made a great effort.
A lot has changed in my life after I joined BB.
There’s still room for improvement - definitely - but these years have surely been beneficial for me.
As I face my final year of school and BB, I’m trying to make the best of it.
Study harder, play harder; be someone worthwhile.
Someone who, maybe, after she leaves, will still be remembered for the person she is instead of the deeds she’s done.
Because that would be the greatest achievement of all.
WARNING
Emo post alert!
I am sick and tired of being a slave to my emotions.
I am sick and tired of always being in the dark 'bout stuff.
I am sick and tired of the 'being used' feeling.
And I am sick and tired of watching the whole world pass by before my eyes.
Every time, every single time, you show up when I least expect it.
When I am trying my hardest to move on, you just come back and mess it all up again.
Just when I think I am able to forget, I can't because there you are, reminding me.
Your timing is fantastic, I give that to you.
So, okay.
I accepted that maybe our fates were meant to be intertwined.
But just as I prepare myself to face you, you walk off.
Just as I am coming to terms with the fact that you're there, you're suddenly not anymore.
I couldn't believe how one day out changed everything, but that's a fact and it did.
Now here I am again, left to clutch at straw ends with a heart that has a reopened wound.
I am an artist.
I was meant to see the world in a million shades of colours.
But the first time you left, you stripped my life of everything.
No colours, no feelings; nothing was left.
You left me in the cold, with nothing but black and white.
Now, I'm slowly repainting my life, making progress that differs in speed all the time.
You can have but two choices:
Either come and help me paint or get out of my way.
There's no in between; you can't just stand aside and watch me work.
Since the feelings are mutual (Or so you say), I think the next line of action is quite obvious.
But I accept, too, that there are other factors which have to be equated.
Like distances, studies, family.
But if you're not going to even want to talk it out and settle our scores, then...
I really don't know what else I can do about it.
The good thing is my mid-year exams are over.
The bad thing is now I have to focus on the rest of the 101 things that need doing.
Pesta, for example.
It's coming up real quick and there's still a lot of loose ends I haven't kao tim-ed.
Like...
Um...
The damn accounts sheet.
I tell you, teruk tau!
I dropped Prinsip Perakaunan as an SPM subject, but still doesn't mean I can escape accounts!
Lucky I've got Microsoft Excel.
Still, staring at the page while trying to keep track of whatever I'm logging in SUCKS.
Look at this, look at this!
Is it a wonder why I'm really bad with numbers??
Done already, doesn't tally pulak.
OMG.
I wish I could just hire someone to do it for me.
Y'know, like those big big companies which have their own Accounting Department.
=P
*Cough*
Maybe I'll sweet talk my mum into doing it for me.
*Cough*
